


Gilfoyle's Friend

by ProgramasaurusRex



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: Developing Friendships, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 16:36:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13322184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProgramasaurusRex/pseuds/ProgramasaurusRex
Summary: Mid To Build a Better Beta. Gilfoyle goes to the coffee shop to try to convince someone to be his friend so he can show Dinesh up. He encounters Kevin.





	Gilfoyle's Friend

"Good morning," said Gilfoyle robustly to the large man drinking a solitary frappe at the counter by the window in Philz Coffee.

The man looked up, confused. "Hello," he said uncertainly.

"I see you're a fan of Slayer," said Gilfoyle, indicating a sticker on the man's laptop.

"Yup," said the man, taking a sip of his drink.

"Bertram Gilfoyle," said Gilfoyle, holding out his hand for a handshake. "But everyone just calls me Gilfoyle."

"Kevin," said Kevin.

"Mind if I join you, Kevin?" Gilfoyle asked, still speaking in his half-sarcastic parody of good humor.

Kevin wordlessly extended an unenthusiastic hand to the seat next to him.

Gilfoyle sat down. It occurred to him that Kevin was treating Gilfoyle the same way Gilfoyle treated everybody. It further occurred to him that he deserved it.

"Look, here's the deal," he said to Kevin. "I need to prove to my roommate that I can make a friend. I'll give you twenty bucks to drive me home and agree that we're friends now."

That got Kevin's attention.

"What? Why?" asked Kevin.

Gilfoyle sighed. "So my roommate Dinesh and I work at this startup called Pied Piper," he said.

"Oh yeah? What do you guys do?" asked Kevin.

Gilfoyle winced. Maybe he should have led with the shop talk.

"Compression. We won TechCrunch last year actually," he said, allowing an understandable sense of pride to seep into his words.

"Hey, cool!" said Kevin, his eyes lighting up. "Do you know Richard Hendricks?"

"Yes. In fact, this is all Richard's fault," said Gilfoyle. "We're putting out a beta of our platform, and Richard told us to give the invites to a small group of people we trust."

"Good idea," said Kevin. "Especially if it sucks."

"It's incredible, actually," said Gilfoyle, dismissing Kevin's wrong opinion with a wave of his hand. "But that's beside the point. The point is that I told him I don't trust anybody. Dinesh then attempted to paint me as the kind of person who has no friends due to a lack of social acumen."

"I can kind of see his point," said Kevin. "You just sort of latched onto me."

Gilfoyle folded his arms. What if Dinesh and Kevin were right?

"I haven't got time for pleasantries today," he said. "I have a beta to put out by next week and a thousand things to do. I just need you to take a quick trip to our incubator with me to prove a point."

"A point that's essentially a lie," said Kevin.

"A shortcut," Gilfoyle argued.

"I still don't understand," said Kevin. "Why do you need to prove to your friend Dinesh --"

"He's not my friend," said Gilfoyle. "I have no friends. By choice."

"Okay," said Kevin skeptically, "so if he's not your friend, why does it matter what he thinks about you?"

Gilfoyle wasn't sure how to respond at first. The importance of not looking foolish in front of Dinesh was an axiom buried so deeply inside his brain that he couldn't think how to explain its significance to this impudent stranger.

"I guess we're sort of rivals," Gilfoyle said. "We're the two lead developers at a small company, living in close quarters ..."

"I get it," said Kevin. "I was kind of like that with my brother growing up."

For some reason Gilfoyle didn't like the comparison.

"The ridiculous part is, he doesn't have any friends either," said Gilfoyle. "He made up a bunch of imaginary people to send beta invites to, and he thought I wouldn't notice."

"Oh," said Kevin. "So -- if neither of you has any other friends, why -- am I missing something here? Why are both of you trying to prove you have friends if you're so obviously in the same boat?"

"We're not," Gilfoyle insisted. "Dinesh doesn't have any friends because he's a loser. I don't have any friends because I am incredibly paranoid."

"Yeah?" said Kevin. "So paranoid you've just told your life story to a random guy in a coffee shop?"

Gilfoyle tightened his lips. "You know what, never mind," he said. "I'm just going to ask someone else."

"Wait a minute," said Kevin. "I'm kind of interested now."

Eventually, Keven ended up doing as he was told. As Gilfoyle walked him out to his car, Kevin said,

"Hey, man, I hope everything works out with your -- with Dinesh. I still don't really understand why you're fighting, but he looked pretty upset."

Gilfoyle grinned. "Yeah. He's definitely jealous now."

"Sure. Of your fake friend," said Kevin.

"No, he's the one with the fake friends," said Gilfoyle. "Keep up."

"Whatever," said Kevin. "Hey, can I get an invite to that beta, by the way?"

"Not a chance," said Gilfoyle.

"Oh, right," said Kevin. "You don't trust anybody."

"No," said Gilfoyle. "It's because our beta is hot shit and we already gave away all the invites. Everyone wants to try it."

"Sounds like you're going to be popular soon," said Kevin. "Everyone will want to be your friend."

"I hope not," sneered Gilfoyle. "That sounds exhausting."


End file.
